Fantasy League Relationships by William Klein

Guys are crazy about fantasy league drafts. There is prepping, studying, running through the rank-and-file players with sixth sense intuition of needs to acquiring players who can get as many points as possible for any given league.

It’s a great escape, true. It inspires the mind to wonder and consider “What if” situations, if they’d just taken it more seriously in high school. Psychologically speaking, I think it gives them a sense of power and control that they wouldn’t ordinarily have elsewhere. Sometimes I guess the extremes can compromise relationships.

Take Silvio Shandango, for example.  Silvio was determined to make his pick in the most unique circumstances. He was taking his wife to the hospital to deliver their first baby. 

His wife’s water broke. Everything was in order. He had her hospital bag together and slowly guided her out as she gingerly stepped through the door. It was messy for her, but he encouraged her with every step like a good coach should. He was accommodating her nicely as he guided her into their Ford truck.  She leaned against the seat as he gently pulled her legs into the space.

Maybe the only time a guy can multi-task is when he’s picking a player while reading, nibbling on snacks and talking with his buddy about the “best pick” for that round and reminiscing about embarrassing picks from previous years. Add a wife in labor and the priorities become a little harder. At least he gave up the small chat with his buddies and attended to “whatever you need, baby,” said Silvio. Silvio’s a champ, though. That’s why he’s won the league two out of the last five years.

“I hate to do this, guys, but I may need to autodraft.  My wife’s going into labor,” said Silvio has he entered the driver’s seat.

“Go, go, dude! Do what you need to do” they say from all ends of the country on the conference call. One of them says, “Your money,” and he immediately throws reason out the window like a bio-degradable fruit.  “I got this.” He looks to his wife, “It’s a thousand-dollar pot.  We get the baby something nice.” His wife looks out of the corner of her eye between contractions for a moment while she ponders what he might get the infant:

“A new fishing pole? One of those cute popcorn makers? An automatic icemaker for games so he doesn’t have to go to the fridge while she is nursing the baby, or a deep fryer to make Sunday games easier on the wife? Knowing the look has just quietly wrenched his neck like Darth Vadar’s death grip, he responds, “Honey, thousand-dollar pot,” he reconfirms.

He makes his pick. Labor pain kicks in, and she bellows out a loud, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!  Not enough exclamation points can meet the sincerity of the moment. It sounds like something between a giddy teenager at a boy band concert and a jet scream reaching Mach one. That’s a machine piercing the speed of sound moving at 761 miles an hour to be exact.  One of his buddies says, “Sounds like your ole lady don’t like the pick.”

The contractions are coming fast and furious. His friends are focused on picks and continue their banter even though Silvio forgets to “mute.” 

Just a thought, guys you may want to pick and choose who to listen to and when to listen to them. If you pride yourself on sleeping in dog houses on a consistent basis and maintaining your autonomy, “go for it.”  Let your woman know who wears the pants in the family.

If you’re interested in a fulfilling life with a meaningful relationship when your friends have gone the way of debauchery and face paint, you may want to consider attending to your partner’s need with single-minded intent on being present.

No therapy.  No restitution is worth the loss of time with a loved one during a precious moment like your first child’s birth.

The fact that I’m even addressing this issue thinking a guy or gal may relate to this is scary. Nonetheless, there is a lesson to be learned in being present.  Even the best of us can lose ourselves in a moment having been lost in thought in the “cone of silence.”

We all get trapped in individual needs, but in the true spirit of tapping into the imagination of a couple’s fantasy league of needs, we need to consider the alternative.

Take a moment in the day to sit and be present.  Say nothing.  Do nothing. Turn off the television and study the needs of your partner.

Take a solemn moment to plan something for one another. Even if it’s just a family dinner.

Light a candle together. Watch the flame together and sit in silence for five minutes.

Pray. The family that prays together stays together. A moment of one-on-one time inspires the heart to stay in the presence of oneness.

Every fantasy league relationship considers your needs, my needs and the needs we share together. “Teamwork makes the dreamwork.”

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