Fantasy Sports Characters
The following is a list of characters you may encounter in Fantasy Sports Leagues. Use the characters to consider where you might fall on the list and answer the questions below. I’ve written this with masculine pronouns, but feel free to use whatever floats your boat.
1. The Commish: The guy who has created the rules and plans the thing every year. He’s the most “rule oriented” guy who does his best to keep it fair. He is also the one who monitors ridiculous complaints when guys are looking to win to supplement beer money. The Commish is a “6” on the enneagram aka the Loyalist.
He wants to feel supported, wants to be fair, wants everyone to know he has a say in the process. He wants to plan ahead to ensure there’s no bitching to be had down the line. He plans out trades and either accepts them, or doesn’t, based on what he terms judicious. The Commish will not suffer fools gladly. (See The Trader.)
Basic Fear: Not being supported. He’s so conscientious about being fair that he may create a rule that won’t make sense.
Basic Desire: To keep the damned thing going, so guys have something to bitch about aside from work and family troubles.
Famous Last Words: “I’m not doing this next year – someone else can lead this damned thing.” “When are we all able to meet to get this thing over with?” “Where we meeting?”
2. El Cheapo – No not a Marx Brother. Cheapo is the guy who will only pay at the end if he thinks he has a chance of winning. He’s the guy eyeing who had how many pieces of pizza based on what he threw into the pot for the draft day. Cheapo has his reasons for being cheap, but he’s usually the guy who makes the most money outside the league. In the event that he wins, he’s the guy making sure everyone paid. Otherwise, he’s not too concerned. He can eat and drink with the best of them. Don’t cross this guy when it comes to picking chicken wings.
Basic Fear: Being discovered for not paying into the pot the last three years.
Basic Desire: Get what he can while he can and maximize his profits from the hours he spent.
Famous Last Words: “That’s the beer I brought, but you can have one.” “Oh, I didn’t know we were doing that this year.” “I thought I paid – didn’t I pay you?”
3. Mr. Nice Guy who never wins anything. He’s the guy who loves being a part of the team but hasn’t set his team or changed his lineup in three weeks. He’s either too busy or has other concerns in life that take precedence. Please note, He may pick someone who should be a 2nd round pick just to show that he has a logic to his game – even though there really is no logic for him. He keeps the peace with others and would be a “9” on the enneagram. Everybody loves this guy but can’t figure out why he would blow his money for so many years when they know he will never win the league. There is a system which may include picking players based on personalities or nice names.
Basic Fear: Being kicked out of the league for stinking it up so much.
Basic Desire: Knowing he will never win, he wants to finish well enough to avoid the above “Basic Fear,” so he doesn’t look like a complete fool.
Famous Last Words: “Nice pick; wish I took him.” “You can pick for me, I need to make a beer run. I trust you.” “Wanna play golf on Sunday?” “There’s always next year.” What others say: (When he’s not paying attention: You just missed your chance to pick. It auto-drafted for you.” “Nice guy, but he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing…”
4. The Complainer – The guy who will never be the commish because he knows the job is too difficult. He loves to bitch and moan about players that were supposed to be great on paper but have failed miserably and are “losing it” for him. There are moments in his psychology where he actually thinks a player has it in for him and isn’t playing up to his fullest potential. He is the “Eyeore in the group who is negative about everything. He thinks like a manager whose job depends on winning this year or having to pack it in and move to the minors.
Basic Fear: Winning to the point where he has nothing to say.
Basic Desire: To figure out the meaning of life through Fantasy Sports.
Famous Last Words: “They should just get rid of that guy.” “What’s this guy even doing in the league?” (This may apply to the fantasy league or the actual professional sport.) My team sucks! Until it wins. “That was a stupid pick.” “You might as well just call it a year. Don’t worry, though, I’m right behind ya!”
5. The Expert “Braggart”– He has a lousy team but has convinced most of the league that he knows what he’s talking about. He is the one who loves every player he’s chosen but knocks others for the players they pick. He is very entertaining with his delusions of grandeur. He is a “3” on the enneagram and is good for a show every year. He is the king of hyperbole. He wants nothing more than to see his team come in 2nd or 3rdevery year, so he can look good among his friends and legitimize his place in the league. Dynamic.
Basic Fear: Being called out for the sad sack he really is.
Basic Desire: Being admired for the expert he is – even though he isn’t.
Famous Last Words: “That guy sucks. I would never have taken him…” — (Even though the player was voted by the League as an MVP.) “You should trade your team for another one.”
6. The Champ or Winner Winner Chicken Dinner – the guy who always wins but sacrifices work and personal relationships to do so. He convinces other players to make unnecessary trades like a mafiosa to kill his friend’s chances of winning. He is despised in the league. He has sacrificed everything he is to be considered a winner in life even though he’s failed at mostly everything else he’s done but Fantasy League. He knows his art and knows it very well. He is the envy of all Fantasy Sports geeks. Eternal optimist. This person should be doing this for a living and may feel as if he’s missed his calling. Knows guys in the business who have inside scoops and uses it to his advantage.
Basic Fear: Not winning this year.
Basic Desire: Win at all costs – even at the risk of losing friends.
Famous Last Words: “Ladies and Gentleman, it’s been a pleasure taking your money.” “I’ve been scouting him for a while, I think he’s the real deal.” “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”
7. The Nondescript – The guy who is kind of bland and disappears into the league. He’s the guy they forget when the commish is listing who is going to be in the league. He takes it all in stride. He can’t bring himself to be overtly charismatic. He likes being the wallflower and the observer. He’s there but no one really knows what he does – kind of like a referee in wrestling or Larry from the 3 Stooges. He’s the one name in the league that no one knows who it is even though he didn’t use a creative name – just his initials or something that alludes to him. Great friends with the nice guy and may be considered a sort of sidekick.
Basic Fear: Being left out of the league accidentally again.
Basic Desire: To be a part of something.
Famous Last Words: Why didn’t anybody tell me we were meeting? (On draft day.) Hey, you know I wanna be in this thing again, doncha?
8. The Stinkin’ Thinkin’. This character usually overthinks every selection made. It may require a re-evaluation of every player they’ve ever taken in the history of Fantasy sports… He’s a gambler when it comes to leagues where it’s only bragging rights. He uses those leagues to test out his theories on moves and shake ups to learn what works and what doesn’t work then applies it to the “big league.”
Basic Fear: Not making the right decision.
Basic Desire: Become a master at Fantasy Sports
Famous Last Words: “Let it roll.” “What’ve I got to lose?” “I win in the league where there’s no money, but suck in my big money league.“ “Why did I take that guy then? What was I thinking?”
9. The Trader
He is planning a trade from the moment he’s made the pick. He will drive the Commish crazy asking when he can trade and when he can’t, as the trade needs to be approved. Sometimes he will beat the Commish down with his antic and constant nagging and the Commish will give in to his demands, just to make the Trader go away. This person is the greatest antagonist in the league.
The Trader is a capricious minded individual who can change plans on a dime. The team he picks at the draft will not be the same by the end of the year. In fact, he could be leading the league in the first few games, but a trade is on the horizon. The trader is a quick thinking, type A personality, who is thinking faster than anyone else – including himself.
Basic Fear: Missing out on a great player.
Basic Desire: Good question
Famous Last Words: “What do you want for…?”
Questions:
Which character are you from the above?
What rang true to you the most from the above and why? What character trait could you identify with?
If money were not an object, who would you partner with in your fantasy league and why? If money is an object, what does that say about you?
What does the above exercise say about your relationships with friends?
If you could hang out with anyone from the above list, who would it be and why? What makes that person intriguing for you?
spirit beat 